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Older, wiser and not much of a blogger

Too busy is my MO. Despite trying to change it I end up saying it to myself and others far too often. This is why I don't blog, this is why I don't do a lot of things. I also find myself asking why would I write when I could paint or dance. So I've neglected this blog, among other things. I also realize I prefer art journaling to banging keys to form poorly constructed sentences. In looking back at my blog I found my 'musings' very depressive and desperate. Although I understand the time frame in which they were written and the place I found myself at that time was depressive and desperate. I am no longer in that place. It took some time in a new town, in a new state for my family and I to dig ourselves out of our hole of desperation. I also think it took a whole lot of being too busy to be with my thoughts to keep myself from diving into the depression. Depression is a tricky thing you never see it coming and once its there you wonder how you got into it. I wen...
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What A Beautiful Wreck

Ha! I thought last year was a tough year. This year has been one blow after another. First the house, which maybe we'll have something to actually celebrate as moving on when it's supposed to close it's short sale next week. Then my Mom dying, then Bob my step-father-in-law dying, then Rick having a heart attack, then alcohol issues. Corey and I still are on a rotating work schedule both of us part-time so we hardly get to see each other and when we do it's taking care of daily life. I want to stop this survival mode! I need forward momentum with our business, our life. I desperately need an upswing. I've never felt so emotionally unstable in my life for such a long period of time. At least with my divorce seven years ago the emotional bottom was brief and I was able to start crawling out of the hole after a few months. This, now ... just feels like it's been going on for ages. I despise that it is taking away from the joy of experiencing my son growing up. I...
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Where Is The Up?

So we're leaving, the bank will not modify our mortgage. To them our business and my freelance work is considered "unverified" because we have not been doing it for 12 plus months. At least we are taking control of our income rather than sitting on our hands while we don't get jobs we are overqualified for. And yes we've been applying for those jobs. I still apply for those jobs. It makes me second guess my effort in going after them. Maybe I am supposed to stay home and freelance, as hit or miss financially as it is. We move this coming weekend to a rental home in Fallbrook . It wasn't our first choice, the first choice wasn't my first choice but I was warming up to it on conditions. As it turns out it was a mute point. This house to me was good from the start. Yes the bedrooms and bathrooms are small but there are multiples of them. There is an enclosed yard, and there are updated fixtures, plus the carpet looks to be in good condition. New beginnings ar...
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All In Due Time...

Sometimes I look at the clock and ask "Where did it go!?" time that is. I'm a lot more relaxed about deadlines now that I'm making my own because I know for a fact I'm doing all I can now without spreading myself too thin. I have put Finn, Corey, even Daisy first. Freelance graphics comes second (sometimes third) and then our buisness. What about me you may ask, well I fit myself in now and then knowing if I don't then my productivity for everything else goes down. As of late I have felt really slow though, not sure what's slowing me down and making me so tired. Maybe I do need to pay attention to my needs more closely or look at any fears that are inadvertently slowing my pace. I need yoga again. Now where do I fit it in? I really do need a lot of things but is it need or reward? Something I must ponder on. Balance, balance, balance ... sometimes it is really hard to keep.
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Women's Art Movement and more...

Just a shout out to Mel, she posted a portion of the interview she had with me on her blog. She's in the process of writing the Votre Vray Creative Women Project and I'm one of the women she has written about. You can read it here: http://www.votrevray.blogspot.com/ I'm just taking a moment to write my thoughts this morning. It's Saturday but it feels like any other day to me since I work for myself now. Corey is away having some much needed guy R&R with a guy friend - Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca motorcycle races. Although I myself don't find it entertaining I can understand his need for it as he can understand my need for "artist" retreats. So I'm home taking care of the 'kids', we consider our dog a child too since she is so needy with all her health issues. Anyway I feel a little more caught up than I have felt lately. Freelance jobs are completed (for now), the plants are watered, and the kitchen is clean. Yes there is so much more to cle...
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Collecting...

I'm collecting my thoughts, my dreams, my goals, my vision. I came to my office computer to work but find my mind going inward. When you spend all day taking care of things, little ones, and pets you forget to take care of yourself and I mean more than taking a shower or eating I mean taking care of your spirit. I just realized I don't share this part of myself much anymore with anyone, not even myself and it's made me a little sad. When I was younger I gave of myself completely to others, did for them and shared me with them. Now I realize I'm only giving half because I'm not listening to who I am which means I'm not giving my whole self. I need to share me with me and me with others more. That being said I will make it a point to explore myself here in the written word, the conscience stream of thought at the very least twice a week. Goals, yes I have many, even the here and now ones seem to outnumber my hours in a day. Priority one will always be my family an...
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30 Something Enjoy's This...

It's Friday night and I'm at home ... HAPPILY! Yes, Finn is asleep (finally) and Hupthsy (Nickname for Husband) and I have just enjoyed a dinner of grilled half chickens with peas and basmati rice plus a side of grilled corn on the cob AND of course two tall (each) freshly made margaritas, hey it was 95 degrees today! Hence the reason for my run on sentences and babbling. But Hupthsy made it all and it was so delectable, I swear the chicken had bacon wrapped around it while it was cooking to perfection in the smoky grill outside. What more could I want for a Friday night? Dancing in a sparkly top and tight jeans while strangers buy me drinks and sweat while looking at me like jackals? NO! The night was OR is perfect wouldn't change it or trade it for anything. Am I old? Who cares! I don't if it means I had a great Friday night. What next? Cuddling on the couch and flipping through channels or watching a Netflix. But who knows it's only 8:30 and we probably won't...
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