Older, wiser and not much of a blogger

Too busy is my MO. Despite trying to change it I end up saying it to myself and others far too often. This is why I don't blog, this is why I don't do a lot of things. I also find myself asking why would I write when I could paint or dance. So I've neglected this blog, among other things. I also realize I prefer art journaling to banging keys to form poorly constructed sentences.

In looking back at my blog I found my 'musings' very depressive and desperate. Although I understand the time frame in which they were written and the place I found myself at that time was depressive and desperate. I am no longer in that place. It took some time in a new town, in a new state for my family and I to dig ourselves out of our hole of desperation. I also think it took a whole lot of being too busy to be with my thoughts to keep myself from diving into the depression.

Depression is a tricky thing you never see it coming and once its there you wonder how you got into it. I went through another bout of depression a couple of years ago and this time it came with anxiety. No fun, lots of crying, hardly any capacity for stress. I worked at getting out of it and I did. It wasn't one and done though, I had to fight off the clouds. They have been fewer and farther between but I just keep in mind they are passing and that helps. Keeping busy helps to, so maybe, just maybe I'm too busy for a reason. To keep me out of that dark alley known as my head.

Now if I could just be better about living in the moment while I'm too busy living.